Well, it looks like the website collegescholarships.com has given the ruler of the universe a finalist position in the 2008 blogging contest.There are 20 contestants left, and the final winner will be determined by total public votes received by the November 20th deadline. Go here to vote, or go to hell. If you want to see the other shitty contestants, check this out.
Have you heard that the country is still in the shitter? So much for Obama inspiring people to change. Haha, you people suck.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 4 comments ] ( 197 views )
It seems like I've been running into a shit-ton of people lately who are afflicted with the wasted vote syndrome. These are the people who think that not voting for a mediocre mainstream political candidate is by all measures a "wasted vote." Of course, most of these people don't actually vote on issues but rather focus on arbitrary party lines and insignificant personal qualities like background, race, communication skills, and gender. Yes, these are the morons who rule America.
In any case, people who sincerely vote for a candidate they support, whether that candidate is republicrat or third-party, shouldn't be condemned. Of course, it always seem like society only scolds those who take an unpopular stance on an issue, but just so long as every other idiot votes for the status quo and the same bullshit groupthink ideals, everybody is happy.
I just don't understand how people can be so dumb. There are actually people out there who believe Obama is going to change the world. Then, when I ask them for some substantive evidence to back up this claim, they usually just refer to the fact that Obama makes women lose their shit every time he speaks. Wow, that's very convincing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and give my endorsement to Hitler, because everyone knows he made many an idiot sprout a tent in their pants with words alone.
The point is, it doesn't make any sense for people to decry those who vote on principle, rather than popularity or arbitrary party lines. Voting for a candidate on issues extols the fact that you believe in a philosophy and are tired of the mainstream political system. If nothing else, it demonstrates your commitment to genuine candidates who focus on real issues and ideas, instead of sly rhetoric and cunning lingo. It reminds me of the debate about the tax plans of Obama and McCain. Obama pledges to cut taxes for 95% of middle-class families, and John McCain pledges to cut taxes for all but 5% of the middle-class. Is there any difference? No you fucking idiots, it's all semantics! And that's exactly what this election is about.
A vote for an asinine mainstream candidate is a vote to perpetuate the status quo. You're not a maverick or a hero; you're a fucking idiot. Neither candidate is going to change anything. THEY ARE ALREADY BOUGHT AND PAID FOR.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 5 comments ] ( 297 views )
**Update 4 (10-27-08): I must have more admirers from Canada than I previously thought. Someone just left this comment under an old post: "this is pretty gay." Hmm, it's so gay, in fact, that you continue to sit on your dead ass and visit my website, just to get your ass handed to you on a silver plate with all the trimmings. Way to throw another gasoline soaked hippie on the tempestuous inferno that is my ego, dumbass.
**Update 3 (10-24-08): At this point, I think "Scott" is just trying to recover from PTSD, and he's attempting to use my site to bring solace to his otherwise empty life. He just left two more long-winded, utterly vacuous comments in yet another attempt to bolster popularity to his unpopular blog. Sorry Scott, but tl;dr. Oh, and by the way, using pictures you stole off of the internet and adding trite captions doesn't constitute you as a "good" writer. Go away.
**Update 2 (10-23-08): Like I said, this guy is obsessed. Here's a snippet of a comment he left 2.34 seconds after this post was submitted:
"My article about fashion trends has nothing to do with anything Maddox has EVER commented on (Under Armour, American Apparel, Lululemon) nor to I blatantly cut and paste his phrases/comments into my articles. So I would call my idea's and writing original."
My response: Of course you think your writing is original, you wrote it, you fucking idiot! Have you ever consulted a reputable source to get an honest opinion of your tiresome rhetoric? Oh, and good point about Maddox not commenting on the same material you wrote: If Maddox decides to write about Hollister, why not write about American Apparel instead? It still makes you edgy and original, right? Great logic. And just in case you want to read a post of mine that Maddox hasn't commented on, check out "Why I am awesome and greek life is not", "Ron Paul is the only presidential candidate worth voting for," or any one of the 83 other articles on this site. Thanks.
**Update (10-23-08): Wow, Scott just can't get enough! Being an eager beaver, he just accidentally left this comment twice:
Hello again, you're a dumb ass. You claim that I'm a coward for not revealing my name in an e-mail, first of all Scott is my real name and secondly, if you want e-mails why bother having a comment section? Idiot. Also, you claim that I am a coward for not revealing myself, I left my real name, my real email and (get this) my real URL. I guess you feel like a jackass now for saying I should learn to make my own website, since I already have one.
[redacted] (you should check it out)
So, now that you understand who I am, why don't YOU stop being the coward and actually post my comments instead of just your rebuttals? Oh that's right, because you're pussy. I'd like to give you a tip, jackass, just because you can manipulate your mouse to click 'synonyms' on Microsoft Word doesn't make you a decent writer with an impressive vocabulary. You're phrases are either tired, uninventive or STOLEN from real satirists like Maddox. Seriously, get a new M.O. the whole hating on vegetarians, environmentalists, women, etc. has been done, and done well, you're ruining that with your shitty disgrace of a website.
You claim that you are ‘original’ and that you ‘give credit where credit is due’. Yet even in your reply you said, in reference to bloggers:
“document every trivial piece of minutiae that fills their boring, vapid lives.” (October 2008)
While Maddox said (get this, in reference to bloggers):
“document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives” (July, 2005)
Busted, asshole. Like I said, using synonyms and copying Maddox doesn’t make you a good writer, only a shit-head plagiarizing asshole. Same comment, same context, except Maddox wrote it a few years earlier. Yet where’s the credit to Maddox? I don’t see any you lying pussy. And that’s just one post out of countless you’re written/stolen.
I look forward to your reply, although it wont make much sense because you're too much of a coward to post my comments. Get fucked to death by a horse you pasty fat Polock-looking asshole.
Cheers,
Scott
My response: Hey Scott, thank you so much for calling my bluff. You've only managed to do what every other moron who attempts to criticize me on this site has done: attempt to reveal any semblance of an association between my writing and another internet satirist's. Very good observation, have you ever considered doing detective work? Oh, and since you like to claim that I rip people off (a cunning tactic from an equally cunning moron), I noticed that every one of your articles was stolen from other talented satirists on the internet. For instance, you "wrote" an article titled "Stupid Clothing Trends I Hate (but you love)", where you basically reworded Maddox's post "Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion" (link). You see, Scott, the difference between you and I (aside from intelligence, social status, and communication skills) is that you blatantly plagiarize material using ver batim appropriation without any attribution of the source. On the other hand, if I find some interesting material that I want to link to or use, I cite it. Just in case you're unfamiliar with that technique, you should check out Research Methodology 101 at a local community college near you. I must commend you for your ingenuity, though. There are plenty of other examples on your blog, but there's no point in promoting your hackneyed excuse for a website. After all, you don't even have an Alexa web ranking yet, so I can see why you thought this would be a good opportunity to plug your site on a forum that is infinitely more popular (and entertaining) than yours. On a final note, I allow comments for praise and constructive criticism, not whiny, half-assed bullshit from pussies like you. If you actually read the FAQ section or disclaimer, you would understand that. Actually, since we're on the subject of ripping people off, let me link you to a hatemail Maddox received from an eager fan who claimed he ripped off George Carlin: Detective Dick. Keep up the good work Dick, and keep writing unique and original material for your imaginary audience.
P.S. Remind me again where it says that a writer owns a particular phrase? Oh yeah, that's what I thought.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 8 comments ] ( 449 views )
I hope by now an astute reader of this site can deduce that I typically don't address criticism in the form of comments anymore (see this, or this, or this). If you have something to say, stop being a pussy and reveal your identity or send me an email. It's that simple. I can't even recall how many times I've restated this policy, but alas, the moron marathon is still in full swing. Most recently, a coward using the moniker "Scott" had this to say: "Man this site sucks, it's hard to fathom a person this stupid." [...stupidity ad infinitum]. This is just a snippet of the 10,000 comments left by "Scott" in the past 24 hours. Among other things, "Scott" claims that he "can't stand this site," "I copy Maddox," and "I eat half-priced appetizers at Applebees." Of course, I could go through and utterly destroy every one of his comments, but I've already done that many times. Instead, let me keep this brief, Scott, and refer you to the FAQ section. If Scott had just read this section before he decided to ramble on like an idiot, he could have undoubtedly avoided the humility of sounding like every other dumbass critic who comes to this site and cries and moans like a sissy rather than actually learning something, like how to make their own web site. I know it gives you solace to think that anyone, let alone me, cares about what you have to say, but just in case you feel like conveying your emotions to an imaginary audience, go ahead and register for a new account on xanga.com. It's the perfect forum for angst-ridden, crybaby teenagers to document every trivial piece of minutiae that fills their boring, vapid lives. Have fun.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 1 comment ] ( 58 views )
Do you get the sense that the American consumerist lifestyle is coming to an end? If not, you're an idiot. Call me crazy, but I'm actually really excited about the tumbling markets and plummeting economy. This crisis is finally signaling the end of the reckless and dangerous American lifestyle that has permeated American culture for the last 50 years. No more endless spending sprees, extravagant mansions, and 26" chrome wheels for your stupid Escalade; mostly by necessity and somewhat by choice, this lifestyle is rapidly coming to an end.
There are a few reasons for this total meltdown. The first of which is because credit is no longer cheap, and it will never be cheap again because the debt has ballooned out of control. On top of that, most foreign investors are looking to extricate themselves and get rid of any and all US debt they currently hold. Why would any sensible nation continue to lend money to the US at reasonable interest rates? Considering the government is on the verge of bankruptcy, it probably isn't a good idea for anyone to have confidence in the American financial system.
However, the main reason this fiesta is crashing to a halt so quickly is because people can't afford it. If you think things are bad now, wait about a year for the bailout money to take full affect on the US currency, not to mention the other numerous bailouts that will undoubtedly be proposed (and passed) to save other "essential" companies before that time. What we are witnessing is the destruction of the dollar by hyperinflation. Just like in Germany after World War I, you'll likely have to wheel in a pile of money to the grocery store to buy essentials. This is what happens when the currency gets destroyed, and history has proven that this inevitably ends in the complete destruction of the country's economic system. Rome and The Soviet Union are just two prominent examples.
It's about time all you braindead idiots get what you had coming. Maybe now you'll actually start caring about what happens in the world.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 5 comments ] ( 347 views )
Justin 'The' Varner
[ add comment ]
The picture below has just been nominated for an appearance on FAIL Blog. If anyone is wondering, the truck flipped sideways at the intersection of routes 11 and 15 near K-Mart in Shamokin Dam, PA, and Buck and I just happened to be there. I rule.
P.S. In case my astute readers didn't notice, I redesigned the site ever so slightly. Questions? Comments? Send them here so that I can break in my new delete key.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 2 comments ] ( 80 views )
Anyone with a pulse could have predicted that the US economy was headed for total collapse. The variable in the equation was how long it would take, and as recent events have indicated, the answer is "soon enough."
So, how did it get to the this point? While most of you braindead idiots will point fingers and blame George Bush, his administration, or any number of other fictitious causes, rarely do you ever look in the mirror and realize that your apathy and sheer ignorance, combined with the majority of the rest of the country, are the root causes of this financial collapse and any other future financial meltdowns, given America will even survive to see another crisis of this magnitude. More specifically, there are four main reasons why America is headed for total financial collapse, and they include:
1) Population explosion - The earth was only designed to sustain at most 2 billion people living under "acceptable conditions." As we speak, there are over 6.6 billion people on the planet, and a predicted 10 billion by 2050. To understand what overpopulation does to finite resources, let's use an analogy. Suppose you have a pie, and you slice up in four even pieces; one for you, your brother, your mom, and your dad. Life's great. Now suppose that you have an unexpected guest show up for dinner and they want a piece of the pie. You have a choice: divide the pie into five pieces, thereby giving each person in your family a smaller slice, or have someone agree to give up their slice. Not a big deal. Now imagine that you have two more people, or four, or six, and so on. Well, you can do the math from here.
2) Apathy and Ignorance - I've touched on this in several of my previous posts, but now more than ever it is increasingly evident. Most people assumed that they could lead a frivolous lifestyle full of excessive waste. Everyone is always trying to keep up with the Jones', which means spending more money than you have, working meaningless jobs for shit you don't need, and using resources that you can't afford to use. I'm not sure what happened in this country, but somewhere between the credit boom, corporatism, consumerism, and now, people have managed to pile on trillions of dollars of debt by spending money that isn't theirs on shit they don't need. Cars, houses, yachts, Starbucks, Nike, McDonald's, and all kinds of other stupid bullshit. All the while, nobody seemed to be in touch with the reality of the situation: money has to come from somewhere. The credit boom and gluttonous consumer lifestyle is rapidly coming to an end, and the early signs are apparent. Oh yeah, and did I mention that nobody in this country gives a damn about what happens within the government? It seems like most young kids today think their vote doesn't matter, or they simply can't make a difference in the world. Although the first part might be true, you can still certainly "make a difference" by persuading other idiots just like you to get out and vote, and that's just for starters. You could even take it a step further and study economics and history so that you can fully understand why the country is in this predicament.
3) The majority of our leaders have an IQ below 120 and are not qualified to make rational political, social, and economic decisions - Let's face it: most politicians really are morons. Why else would they decide to take the political route? To make a difference? Haha, anyone who tells you that is full of shit. Politicians don't give a damn about anyone; the only thing they care about is getting reelected and securing their congressional junket. And this of course is due to the fact that nobody holds them accountable. Some of you like to point fingers at George Bush and his abysmally low 29% approval rating, but did you realize that the Congressional rating just dipped below 18%? Of course you didn't, and you don't plan on doing anything about it besides crying and pissing because you can't afford My Little Pony.
4) The Federal Reserve is a fraud, economics isn't a real science, and nobody seems to understand that economics isn't a real science - One of the underlying causes of our current economic crisis is the Federal Reserve system. For those who don't know, the Federal Reserve is the central American bank run by rich, private bankers. There is no oversight and no accountability. The Fed was established in 1913 as a way to give morons comfort during times of financial panic. Of course, the first great depression happened fifteen years later despite the fact that the Fed was enacted to prevent such catastrophes. Anyone who does a little research knows that the purpose of the Fed isn't to prevent "panic," but to regulate the money supply and create artificially low interest rates. Whenever there is a crisis, everyone summons the Fed to either print more money out of thin air, causing hyperinflation, lower interest rates to allow for low-interest rate loans (cheap credit), or to fix (inflate) market prices, all while pulling assumptions and statistics out of their ass to make it look like the economy is healthy. Remember hearing about the Consumer Price Index (CPI) which supposedly measures the average price of consumer goods and services? Well it's bullshit, because everybody knows that inflation isn't 2.9% annually. The cost of bread alone increased 60% in the past four months, and gasoline is roughly 40% higher than it was at this time last year. If inflation were really only 2.9%, people on fixed incomes (social security, pensions) would be able to afford the cost of living. As we all know, this isn't the case anymore. Compared to 2001, the average family has $2,000 less annually to spend, and effectively $6,000 (adjusted for inflation) in 2008. That means you can't buy that new fuel-efficient Dodge Ram this year. Boo hoo.
I could go on and on, but it's not worthwhile for me discuss the matter any further. Go and do some research and try and come to terms with the fact that you're a moron who is ultimately responsible for the current crisis the US is in. Well, not entirely, but you do still play an important role. I forgot to mention one important thing during this post: don't say Ron Paul didn't warn you.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 4 comments ] ( 105 views )
I don't care what anyone says: Bill O'Reilly eats children and pregnant mothers. I mean that in the best way possible. Examine the clip below if you need further proof:
In other news, I hate everyone. Alright, maybe that isn't news, but I thought I should remind you before you decide to fire off stupid emails.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 3 comments ] ( 64 views )
Although it may seem like I'm an anti-neoconservative bush-hater, I actually think George W. Bush is a great president. And no, I'm not just being facetious, I really mean it. Here are some reasons why W kicks ass:
1) He kept the US safe from terrorists (when's the last time you've seen a 9/11 happen? Oh wait...)
2) He patched up relations with China, India, and the Middle East at large
3) He worked to create thousands of jobs every year during his presidency and kept inflation seemingly low (~2.9% in 2007)
4) He weeded out the morons who couldn't afford to survive in the richest country in the world and transferred the wealth to the intelligent people that deserve it
5) He inadvertently sparked the alternative energy revolution by keeping gas at a solid $4.00/gallon (although this has little to do with him and more to do with the declining dollar, but more on that later)
I could go on and on, but the point is that W has actually done a very good job as president. Everything that he gets blamed for actually has nothing to do with him. Take for instance the rising fuel costs. Most people who know nothing about economics automatically assume that the president is responsible for oil prices. How absurd! Little do they know that oil has actually remained flat in terms of its value with respect to hard currencies like gold and silver, but has increased significantly with respect to fiat currencies like the US dollar. However, the devalued dollar is a result of myriad economic forces like speculation, currency debasement by way of the Federal Reserve, trade deficits, and so on. The president has almost nothing to do with the soaring costs. There are actually people who think that Barack Obama alone will lower oil prices. I hate to break it to you, but neither Barack Obama nor John McCain is going to change anything.
If you really think about it, when has the president really impacted your quality of life? Sure, maybe there are a few more or less taxes here and there, a few bills vetoed every now and again, but generally speaking, your life has remained the same. Oh, but then you have people who point to Bill Clinton and claim that life was so much better during his term(s). Once again, this had very little to do with the president and more to do with the economy at large. In case you didn't notice, there happened to be a tech boom during the 90's which created wealth for nearly everyone, even people who didn't deserve it. It's only now that many people are starting to pay for their stupidity.
I just don't understand how people place these false hopes in presidents who will ultimately do nothing for this country. If you really want change, you either need to move somewhere else or reevaluate your own life. The president and the government aren't going to help you, unfortunately. I hate to be pessimistic, but that's just the way it is. So please, all you retarded hippies need to shut the fuck up and do something about your own life instead of waiting for someone to come along and save your dead ass. Unbelievable.
Justin 'The' Varner
[ 4 comments ] ( 86 views )
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